aftershocks

From Wikipedia:
Aftershocks are dangerous because they are usually unpredictable, can be of a large magnitude, and can collapse buildings that are damaged from the mainshock. Bigger earthquakes have more and larger aftershocks and the sequences can last for years or even longer.

We have gone ahead and disrupted the adoption of Kid #1. This is a controversial topic, like breastfeeding vs. formula or abortion vs. pro-life.

This placement failed because we were not prepared for the special needs Kid #1 was likely to have, and were not linked with one goddamn service or a shred of respite to help us withstand any of it. Add twins and an expensive, epic legal struggle to keep Kid #1 in our family, and we are burnt out, lacking of any hope, and cowering against any additional blows that may befall us.

We so sincerely hope that Kid #1 gets the help he needs, the family he deserves, and the peace he requires to succeed. We know he cannot prevail in our house, and it is as awful as you might imagine. Breaking up with a 4-year old that cannot understand "it's not you, it's me" sucks more than you will ever know. It may well kill me.

words of wisdom

From my wise friend Anne:

"At least the craziness and heartache and bullshit of being a parent is the most worthwhile kind of crap. It sure beats the bullshit of working and the heartache of dealing with idiots who aren't your beloved family."

This is the same friend that advised me to go on a soul-searching journey when I was between jobs. "What you have now is time. You can always get more money, but you can't get more time."

Everyone should have this kind of friend.

fault lines

Bad things happen when there are faults and pressure. Stress builds up within the system, and eventually something has to give, usually with disastrous results. A system can only withhold so much stress before something must shift.

If we're talking land masses, you end up with an earthquake.

If we're talking family, someone gets sick, hurt, or upset.

There are teams of scientists around the world trying to measure just how much stress will trigger an event and what the outcome will be. They also try to predict when and where the next seismic event will be.

If your family is fortunate enough to have experts working with you, they can help predict how stressors will impact family members and work to reduce the stress upon the family unit, member by member. The planet does not have this advantage. Nor does my family, despite our best efforts to be pro-active.

Now, I'm no expert, but I see disaster looming for my family. We're having all kinds of pre-emptive quakes, and all I can do is clean so we'll have a decent place to duck and cover. This is not enough, and knowing this is an awful place to be.